On paper, it looked like any other busy midweek evening. Children to feed, messages to answer, a last email fired off from the sofa, then the familiar promise of one more episode and five more minutes of scrolling. In real life, it was a perfect storm. By three in the morning the house was quiet and your mind was not. If this sounds like your night, you are in good company.
“People still put sleep last on their list when it is the foundation to everything,” says Alex Leigh, better known as The Sleep Mummy. “I can’t stress how important it is and how we should prioritise it.” She knows the culture all too well. “It was the wild nineties and also that ‘we’ll sleep when we’re dead’ era,” she laughs, remembering her years as a fashion model. “Even though so much has changed with diet and exercise and spirituality, sleep is the thing we still don’t take seriously.”
That cultural shrug matters in midlife. The NHS lists difficulty sleeping as a common menopause symptom, often tied to hot flushes and night sweats, and notes how it can leave you tired and irritable the next day. None of this is a moral failing, just biology meeting real life. It helps to know that sleep changes are recognised and manageable.
The perfect storm in midlife
Why does sleep seem to unravel just when life feels busiest? “At this point in our lives we’ve generally got a lot going on,” Alex says. “We’re looking after kids, we’re caregivers for older parents, and you put all that together in a melting pot and you’ve got the perfect storm.”
Add shifting hormones and you can see why nights start to fracture. “The most common thing I hear is, ‘I toss and turn, I can’t get to sleep, and then I wake up at three in the morning, soaking wet, staring at the ceiling’.”
It is tempting to accept this as the new normal. Alex pushes back on that idea with kindness. “Nobody should ever just accept not sleeping as a normality. There is so much we can do to improve our sleep.”
Start by taking sleep seriously
One line from the interview landed with a thud of recognition. “We all set our alarms for the morning, and we set our diaries for meetings through the day,” she says. “Who sets our bedtime.”
Her point is not about perfection, it is about rhythm. The body responds to regular cues. “Our bodies love regularity,” she explains. “Going to bed at the same time and waking at the same time. We thrive on routine.”
If last night was rough, do not pull your bedtime forward by hours in the hope of catching up. “One night’s bad sleep is not the end of the world,” she says. “What you shouldn’t do is go to bed earlier the next night because then it disrupts the whole routine.”
The British Menopause Society has recognised sleep disturbance as a major, manageable part of menopause and has produced tools for clinicians to improve care. When credible bodies treat sleep as core health rather than an inconvenience, it gives the rest of us permission to treat it seriously too.
The body clock needs darkness and a softer evening
Alex talks about the modern home with affectionate exasperation. “We are a darkness-deprived society,” she says. “Since the invention of the light bulb, everyone’s evenings got longer, sleep got shorter and then came blue light which made it worse. We need darkness. Darkness tells your body that it’s time to wind down, to stop pumping cortisol and start making melatonin.”
Her advice is practical and immediate. “Dim the lights across your home an hour before bed. Lamps, fairy lights, even candlelight. And please don’t ruin it by turning the bathroom light on full blast to brush your teeth,” she jokes. “Use a small lamp or your phone torch on the floor. Whatever you do, don’t get everything raring up again.”
Temperature is part of the picture, especially if you have night sweats. “Your body needs to cool to sleep,” she says. “Keep the room cool and remember a warm bath or shower helps because when you get out, your core temperature drops and that makes you sleepy.”
A nervous system that feels safe will let you sleep
You can hear the coach in Alex’s voice when she talks about stress. “We cannot expect to sleep if we haven’t released our stress from the day,” she says. “Sleep is holistic. Everything you do in the day has a knock-on effect at night.”
She recommends tiny resets rather than a grand routine you abandon by Thursday. “I do ten-minute resets when I can feel anxiety coming. The power of the breath is so underrated.”
During the Live she guided a short four-seven-eight breathing practice. “My shoulders dropped, my legs felt soft, my head felt soft,” came the response. “It’s that simple,” Alex smiles. “It can take you from survival mode to calm in seconds.”
The NHS backs this general approach, noting that CBT and other relaxation methods can help with low mood, anxiety and sleep problems around menopause. NICE guidance now explicitly recommends menopause-specific CBT as an option for sleep problems, either alongside HRT, if HRT is not suitable, or if symptoms persist despite treatment.
Make your bedroom a sanctuary again
“People make their lounges and kitchens look beautiful and the bedroom is the last place to get seen to,” Alex says. “Sometimes it looks more like an office than a sleeping sanctuary, and often it actually is an office.”
The brain learns association quickly. “If you’ve been working in that space, the last thing it’s going to want to do is shut down and sleep.”
Her counsel is gentle but firm. “Take your office out of the bedroom. Invest in comfort. You spend a third of your life in bed. A decent mattress and pillows are not indulgent. They are practical.”
This is the joyful heart of Alex’s message. Small, ordinary changes work. Dimmer lights. Cooler rooms. A mug of herbal tea earlier in the evening rather than as you climb into bed. A notebook for “brain dumping” so thoughts have an off-ramp before lights out. “Get it out of your mind and onto a piece of paper,” she says. “It’s gone and you can deal with it tomorrow.”
Caffeine, alcohol and timing
“Caffeine stays in your system longer than you think,” Alex says. She is a tea lover and realistic about habits, but she suggests a serious cut-off six to eight hours before bed and earlier if you are sensitive.
Alcohol is the bigger myth buster. “It might make you drowsy but that’s not making you sleepy. It’s sedating you,” she explains. “The sleep you get when sedated by alcohol is not that nourishing, restorative sleep. If you’re really struggling, I’d say don’t drink at all or keep it to a minimum.”
NHS pages reflect the same message, pointing out that CBT can help with sleep problems and that lifestyle choices, including alcohol, affect symptoms. NICE also emphasises that care should be individualised and that HRT remains first-line for vasomotor symptoms, with CBT a helpful addition or alternative depending on preference and clinical suitability.
Food, movement and the timing of both
“Exercise helps you sleep so much,” Alex says. “We’re all so sedentary now. You need to expend energy in order to feel tired.” The only caveat is timing. Keep vigorous workouts earlier so you are not revving the engine at night.
On food, she leans towards lighter evening meals and a gap before bed so you are not asking the body to digest a feast while you try to doze. “Big late meals are the worst if you want to sleep,” she says. It is not a rulebook, more a compassionate nudge towards steadier energy across the day.
If blood sugar dips seem to wake you, experiment with your meal pattern and talk to your clinician if you have underlying conditions. The goal is not to chase perfect nutrition. It is to remove obvious obstacles so your body can do what it already knows how to do.
Teenagers and the politics of the morning alarm
One lovely strand of the conversation wandered into teenage sleep. “The worst thing you can do is tell a teenager they’re being lazy,” Alex says. “They can’t help it. Their circadian rhythm shifts later. Let them sleep if you can.”
It is a generous reminder that we often protect other people’s rest better than our own.
When you need medical help
If night sweats, mood changes or insomnia are grinding you down, ask for support. “Doctors are crying out for sleep coaches because they can’t cope with the demand,” Alex notes, pointing to the short exposure most medical students have to sleep science.
That is not a criticism of GPs, it is a call to treat sleep complaints as legitimate and to use the full range of options. NICE guidance recommends individualised care. HRT can be highly effective for symptoms such as hot flushes, night sweats and sleep disturbance, and many women find their nights improve once vasomotor symptoms are under control.
Alongside medical choices, look at CBT for menopause. NICE has strengthened its recommendations and the British Menopause Society has practical, clinician-facing tools that are increasingly reflected in patient-friendly resources. Women’s Health Concern, in collaboration with the BMS, has also released an updated factsheet on menopause and insomnia that is clear, balanced and useful to share with partners or friends who want to understand what you are facing.
The habit of hope
The most comforting line in the whole conversation might be the simplest. “Plan for your sleep the moment you wake up,” Alex says.
It is not a demand for rigid control. It is permission to make choices that help your future self. Step into daylight in the morning. Move your body. Keep devices out of the bedroom. Choose a wind-down you actually look forward to.
If you wake at three, try not to panic. Breathe out longer than you breathe in. If you feel fully awake, go to a quiet room with low light and return to bed when sleepiness returns. Rest is still restorative, even if it does not come wrapped as eight hours.
And if you need a voice in your corner, follow Alex on Instagram at @thesleepmummy for warm, practical encouragement. You will find her website via the link in her Instagram bio, along with resources and ways to work with her one to one.
A final word for the women who are tired of being tired
There is a tenderness in how Alex finishes. “We put ourselves last on the list,” she says. “Think of yourself on the aeroplane. Put your oxygen mask on first because then you’re better equipped to help everybody else.”
It is not selfish to protect your sleep. It is wise. It is the quiet choice that makes the whole day easier and the future feel brighter.
If tonight goes sideways, try again tomorrow. The body is listening. Sleep is relearned in small, steady steps. As the updated NHS and NICE pages make clear, support exists and it is getting better. You deserve nights that mend you and mornings that feel possible.
And if you use patches as part of your menopause care, remember that kind skin care can make nightly comfort easier too. Nudi Spray™ helps remove adhesive residue gently, leaving skin fresh before bed. It is one more small step towards the calm, consistent rituals that make sleep easier to find.
